The Good Samaritan

I wouldn’t say that I hate mornings but mornings and I just do not get along very well. Mornings to me are like that one guy at work that has an office down the hall and every time he sees you he spends 30 minutes telling you about how the podiatrist removed his bunion. You don’t hate the guy but if you ever saw him again it would be too soon. In my humble opinion God should have made the sunrise around 10 am and anything earlier is just unpleasant. This becomes a problem every Sunday morning when, after going to sleep around 2 am, I must wake up at the crack of dawn and drag my self out of bed and make it to church by 8:30 am. This particular Sunday morning was especially delightful.

I have a "good morning" waiting for you in my diaper.

My wife leaves early for practice as she sings in the church praise team so it is up to me to get the kids fed, make sure they have clean underwear on and looking halfway presentable in the morning as to not embarrass my wife. Everything ran rather smoothly for a Sunday morning which should have been my first clue that trouble was about to rear its ugly head and bite my face off.

The greatest fear of every mother.

About a half a mile from the church the car engine died suddenly. I managed to steer the car into the median of street as there was no shoulder on the road. Since I know absolutely nothing about cars I didn’t bother lifting the hood and taking a look at the engine. What’s the point? I may as well have been looking at the wreckage of a Boeing 747 and trying to determine what part was defective. It isn’t like I would know what I was looking for anyway. I have noticed most men do the “Lift the hood and stare at the engine so people think I know what I’m doing” routine but I decided to just skip that step and move straight to the “start walking” step.

"I fail to see how 150 of us can fit in here."

I gathered up my two boys, who are 5 and 7 years of age, and started walking down the side of the road. It was a busy morning on this road as so many people are on their way to church. There must have been at least 50 cars pass us by before finally, as we were about a block away from church, a mother of one of my Sunday school students stopped to give us a ride the rest of the way. It was only a block but it was a wonderful gesture.

I believe this may be more reliable.

After Sunday school I had at least ten people come up to me and mention that they saw my car broken down in the street and they saw me walking with my boys along the side of the road. The comments ranged from, “What happened to your car?" to my favorite, "Hey, I saw you walking down the road!"  A few guys even tried to diagnose the problem with my car by asking me what had occurred before the engine quit.

"Well.. uh..I tell you what you got there... You have an issue with your...
uh... car's dumaflache.  I had that issue one time back in '83..."

Of course the only question I wanted to ask them was, “So you saw my broken down car and you saw me walking along the side of the road with a 5 and a 7 year old but you didn’t bother to stop and give us a ride on your way to church?” Let me repeat that last part, “on your way to church?” I decided to be friendly and just smile and nod.

This makes me think of the story of the Good Samaritan in the Bible. You all know the story of how a man was beat up and robbed and left for dead on the side of the road. Person after person, including a priest, passed by and no one helped him but finally one man, a lowly Samaritan, stopped and rendered aid to the injured man. What an amazing story of mercy and how we are to look out for each other in times of need.

All this has made me think of all the opportunities I have missed on the side of the road of life because I didn’t stop and assist someone. How many times have I been too busy to make time for someone else who may need my help? We all have to remember that we need to take time out of our busy days to stop and help those who are in need, even if that means sacrificing time and money. That is what a good neighbor would do and that is what Jesus would do.

Of course, then there are bad neighbors...

By the way my timing belt broke while I was driving and cause everything in my car’s engine to move at the wrong times and totally destroyed the valves in my engine.  It was like taking the teleprompter away from the news anchors... No one knew what do to next so ensued. On a side note if anyone wants to send me $1300 for car repairs let me know. After retelling this story I take it back… I hate mornings.

This guy seems legit.  I trust him.

The Long Ride Home

When I was in college I would return back home in the summer and volunteer my time at a summer camp every year as I did in high school. There was a young lady that also worked there that caught my eye but every summer I would admire her from a distance as she had a boyfriend. One summer in particular I returned home and lo and behold she was boyfriendless. Now was my chance!

The sad reality about kids today and summer camp.

I had gone over this moment in time a thousand times in my head over the years and I knew exactly what I was going to say. So I walked up to her and asked her out. Well, I think I did. I really couldn’t hear what I was saying due to the loud thumping coming from my chest up into my head. Eye witnesses later informed me that I sounded as if I had went through some kind of major oral surgery moments before as most of my words were unintelligible. Apparently unable to resist my charm, or quite possibly because of pity, she said yes.

I really should have used my old standbye.  It never fails.

I decided to double date with a friend from the camp as that would lend itself to better conversation and less awkward first date moments.  To tell you the truth I really cannot remember where we went for most of the date, as I have tried to block out most of the date which you will soon find out why, although I do remember that we ended up at a 24-hour restaurant for desert. As we were leaving the car my date said she was chilly so I opened the trunk and retrieved her jacket and put in on her shoulders. This action would prove to be the worst move in my dating career.

Chivalry is not dead yet. Just on life support.

As the four of us walked out of the restaurant and came close to my car I quickly noticed that I did not have my keys. I could feel the blood actually drain from my face as I simultaneously searched every pocked I had and let out a slow, “Noooooooooo……” All eyes were on me. I remember my friend had a look on his face that said, “How could you do this to me?!?” About that time was when it I remembered I put them in the trunk as I put on my date’s jacket for her. It was all her fault! Curse women and their delicate skin!

Another moment in my life where yelled, "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

Luckily for all of us my friend’s date forgot to lock her door and we could wait in the car as the locksmith we called wouldn’t arrive for another two to three hours. Apparently others in the city had locked their keys in their trunks as well. The time dragged on as my first date conversation can only go on for so long before I start to run out of things to say.

This brings back memories.

After only two hours of awkward conversation the locksmith pulled up to the restaurant. As I opened my door and started to get out I looked down near my seat and noticed something that to this day I should never have told anyone. If I was a wise man I would have kept quiet, paid the locksmith to do his work and left. But I was not a wise man and before I could stop myself I let out, “The trunk release!”

Curse you hidden trunk release lever for making me look the fool!

It was a long ride home.